Subject: Hickphonics . . . The Atlanta school board, learning that Oakland has started labeling black slang as a language - "ebonics" - has decided there is a need to designate southern slang as a geographic language. Ergo, hickphonics,which is to be taught in all southern schools. A speaker of this would be a hickophone. Here is a sampling from the hickphonics dictionary: HEIDI - noun. greeting. HIRE YEW - complete sentence. remainder of greeting. Usage: "heidi. hire yew?" BARD - verb. past tense of "to borrow". Usage: my brother bard my pickup truck. JAWJUH - noun. a state just north of florida. capital is lanna. Usage: "my brother from jawjuh bard my pickup truck." BAMMER - noun. state just west of jawjuh. Usage: "a tornader went thru bammer 'n left $20 million in improvements." MUNTS - noun. a calendar division. Usage: "my brother from jawjuh bard my pickup truck and i ain't herd from him in munts." THANK - verb. ability to cognitively process. Usage: "ah thank ah'll have a bare." BARE - noun. an alcoholic beverage. Usage: "ah thank ah'll have a bare." IGNERT - adjective. not smart. see "arkansas native". Usage: "some of those bammer boys sure are ignert." RANCH - noun. a tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "i thank i left my ranch in the back of my pickup truck that my brother from jawjuh bard a few munts ago." ALL - noun. a petroleum-based product. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck." FAR - noun. a conflagration. Usage: "if my brother from jawjuh don't change the all in the pickup truck he bard, that thangs gonna catch far." TAR - noun. a rubber wheel. Usage: "I hope my brother from jawjuh don' git a flat tar in my pickup truck." TARRED - adverb. exhausted. Usage: "i just flew in from lanna, and boy are my arms tarred." FARN - adjective. not from here. Usage: "i caint unnerstand a wurd he sed...must be from some farn cuntry." DID - adjective. not alive. Usage: "he's did, jim bob." EAR - noun. a colorless gas (except in l.a.) Usage: "he cain't breathe...give 'im some ear!" BOB WAR - noun. a sharp twisted cable. Usage: "stay away from that bob war fence, jim bob." JEW HERE - noun and verb contraction. Usage: "jew here that my brother from jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence company?" HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "is bubba smart? nah, haze ignert. he ain't thanked a minnit in his life.." SEED - verb. past tense. Usage: "i ain't never seed new york city" VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "i ain't never seed new york city...view?" HEAVY DEW - phrase. request for action. Usage: "kin i heavy dew me a favor? go bah me that linnerd skinnerd tape." GUMMIT - noun. a bureaucratic institution. Usage: "them gummit boys sure are ignert."
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