A Prayer for a 955i

DATELINE: 16 June 2000
Billy Hutchinson (formerly of Seattle, now sweltering in Texas) sent a post to the WetLeather mailing list, plugging his website. One of the topics:   "A prayer for a 955i". Dean Woodward replied to the list with the first stanza below - the rest is typical WetLeather. ;-)

Dean collated the first couple of hours of posts - I added those from the afternoon - then put them in alpha order by nickname or first name. (More fun than prep'ing for MSF class for tomorrow!)

If you feel the need to send in a verse or two of your own, send it to me and I'd add it here ... or send it to the Wizard who maintains the WetLeather web site, HMarc Lewis. He may include it in the copy (coming) on the WetLeather website.

Alan Fleming
Lord, won't you buy me some more motor oil.
My gixxer won't crank and leaks on the soil.
But its mine and its paid for, for that I am thrilled.
Now I just have to replace the stuff it just spilled.

Bill Rockoff
Lord, won't you buy me, a nine ninety-six?
My Gixxer won't cut it, with WetLeather chicks.
I love them Ducatis, but I sure ain't rich,
So Lord, won't you buy me, a nine ninety-six.

Billy Hutchinson
Lord, wontcha send me a Hawk GT book?
My valves need adjustin', I've got a dumb look.
Tried to re-jet her and my legs were cooked,
so Lord, wontcha send me a Hawk GT book?

Brian Poppe
Oh Lord, won't you buy me, a night on the ground
The GATHER is coming, please don't let me down
I might get too drunk, to find the next round
So Lord, won't you buy me, a night on the ground

Brian Schieber
Oh Lord, won't you buy me bike number 3.
My Harleys' the Bomb, as all can well see.
The GS a sweet ride, but I commute by ferry,
Oh Lord, need a Beemer for wifey and me!

Lord, won't you buy me a reliable Bee.
I see them all over and it looks best for me.
Need a cheap one with windshield and storage for me,
the wife, and our junk and the rain gear, you see.

Brett Parker
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a two stroke TZ?
Finding spare parts is simple you see?
Riding them fast is so damn easy,
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a two stroke TZ.

Bronze
Lord, won't you buy me a clutch cover gasket
My bikes torn apart and belongs in a basket
I'll do back flips all the way to Tonasket
If only you'll buy me a clutch cover gasket

Charles Cherry
Oh Lord, a Hayabusa, please buy for me.
ZX-12s won't hack it, at one eighty three.
My Blackbird is so slow, it's embarrassing me.
Oh Lord, a Hayabusa, is about right for me.

Charlie Smith
Oh lord, won't you buy me another 8-5-1?
I'll ride to the Gather, with a huge smile on my face,
I'll just use red duck tape, and have lots of fun,
I'll give up the hog, and maybe a BMW to race,
Oh lord, won't you buy me another 8-5-1?

Dave Tharp
Oh Lord, won'tch buy me an Indian Chief,
My friends all ride Harleys, they're giving me grief.
I know you can do it, it's my fondest belief,
So Lord, won'tch buy me an Indian Chief.

Oh Lord, won'tch buy me an Indian Chief,
This pile of a Harley is giving me grief.
I leave it outside to be stole by a thief,
So Lord, won'tch buy me an Indian Chief.

Dean Woodward
Lord, won't you buy me, a green KLR?
It's great to commute on, more fun than a car.
With Givis mounted on it, it'll take me quite far,
So Lord, won't you buy me, a green KLR?

Lord, won't you buy me, a 9-5-5-i,
my friends all ride sportbikes, and ask why don't I?
The chicks all laugh at me, won't go for a ride,
So Lord, won't you buy me, a 9-5-5-i,

Ed Gardner
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a KX-1-2
With a personalized license, that says BLUBYU
I'll ride it so carefully, with a Valentine 1 too,
And reach this year's Gather, in one day, not two

Ed Walsh
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a yellow Guzzi,
to some it's a tractor; I must disagree.
A Sport is a fine bike, with the right kind of Vee,
So Lord, won't you buy me a yellow Guzzi.

Godfrey DiGiorgi
Oh Lord, won't you buy me, a fourth Moto Guzzi?
I want me a new one, got no cash, Tootsie!
The Vee'Leven Sport gives me chills up my spine,
So Lord just buy one and call it mine.

Oh Lord, won't you buy me, a Kaw Vulcan Drifter?
I'm ridin' on sport bikes; I want hydraulic lifters.
Some people will think that I've just lost my mind,
But Lord I'd just dig it: Art Deco so fine.

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Ducati too?
So many nice bikes, I don't know what to do!
There's 'Prillies and Velo's, and Nortons to find,
Then Lord, won't you make a garage to call mine?

Gooz
Oh Lord won't you buy me a LeatherMan Tool?
If it weren't for ol' Randall, I'd surely look'd a fool!
And if you'll toss in some duct tape, I'd surely be obliged,
Oh Lord won't you buy me a LeatherMan Tool?

I lubed up my chain today while in my drive.
Lordy I'd lost my master clip, I'm lucky to be a-live! =8-O
I work hard all my life, can't wrench worth a shit.
Oh Lord thanks for watchin' and keepin' me-e a-a-alive!

H. Marc Lewis
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a brand new R1?
I need a good track bike, on track-days to run,
Down the straight at 160, I'd sure have some fun,
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a brand new R1.

Jack, the FDI
Ooo Lawd wontcha buy me a big yella MONSTER
cos wet ladies always crave fine eye-talian sculpture
with pistons a throbbin and the teasin of torque
they hold on so close squeezin this lad from Cork
And Lawd wontcha add on... an aftermarket fork

Jack Tavares
Oh lord, wont you buy me a trip to a CLASS,
the bike that I ride, is still pretty fast,
my friends have the latest, but alac and alas
they still think they need more to go really fast.

Jeff Earls
Lord, won't you buy me, a new R-GS,
other bikes pale when the road turns a mess,
all around use, for me that'd be best,
So Lord, won't you buy me, a new R-GS?

Jenner
Oh, Lord won't you help me win just one more race.
My friends are all saying I can't keep the pace.
Gotta bring home some wood to save me some face.
Oh Lord won't you help me win just one more race.

Jim Franklin (CB1)
O Lord, won't you buy me a day on the track
My friends went to DP, now I'm at the back.
Not one for a dirt bike, or wobbly side hack
O Lord, won't you buy me a day on the track

Jim Horton (Jaminaz)
Oh Lord, won't you buy me an R90S
It's twenty six years now, they still look the best
Leaky Dellortos and fried boards, well... yes
But Lord, won't you buy me an R90S

Oh Lord, won't you buy me an Enfield Turbo
I thought it looked great, Lord, but damn this thing's slow
My rose colored glasses can't get it to go
So Lord, won't you buy me an Enfield Turbo

Joe Lanfrankie
Oh lord won't you buy me a new Mi-ku-ni,
people are waitin' and starin' right at me.
I'm stuck here in Vantage still down on my knee
Oh lord won't you buy me a new Mi-ku-ni.

Jonathan Espenschied
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Hi-Vis 'Stich
My vest slaps me and my chaps make me itch,
I need a style change from fringe-whipping kitch,
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Hi-Vis Ae-ro-Stich.

Kathy Gill
Lord, won't you buy me the new F650
My friends ride GSs but they don't fit me
The Duc, she's real purdy, but gravel ... not she
So, Lord won't you buy me an F650

Keith Underdahl
Lord, won't you buy me some flat black spray paint
My bike is all road rashed, so pretty it ain't.
Worked hard on my Beemer, you know I'm a saint,
So Lord, won't you buy me some flat black spray paint.

Lark
Oh lord, won't you buy me a Hawk that stays cool?
My friends are out riding, I cage it and drool.
I don't want a new bike, so maybe I'm a fool.
Oh lord, won't you buy me a Hawk that stays cool.

Marguerite Storbo
Lord, won't you buy me a brand new M4?
I ride with Ducatis, they all slam the door
Prove that I'm faster, another eye-tie on the floor,
So Lord, please buy me a brand new M4?

Matt Breen
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a K-12 -RS,
The yel-low one's fine Lord, but red would be best,
Its pur-ty, its ger-man, my prayers are ex-pres-sed,
So Lord, won't you buy me, a K 12 RS

Pat Loughery
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a green-framed SS?
I know they're so rare you should not ride them wet
But Lord, they're so gorgeous, by far they're the best
I'd show off that rare old 750-SS

PhysicsBoy
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a ZX-9R?
My friends all say, "Hey, that bike's to darn fast."
But Blue is so pretty, the best color by far.
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a ZX-9R.

Rick McKee
Oh Lord, won't you buy me, a new Hy-a-boos?
I need tons of torque, to haul my fat caboose,
A twist of the wrist, will make my bowels loose,
Oh lord, won't you buy me, a new Hy-a-boos?

Ricky
Oh Lord, won't you buy me an Aprilia Falco
My friends tell me about Italians, claim I should say no,
But those lines are so sleek, they just scream to me "GO!"
So Lord, won't you buy me an Aprilia Falco

roland smith
Lord, won't you buy me a Ducati Darmah SS
The one my ex-wife called my "Iron Mistress'
The Darmah is long and lean with style and finess
So Lord, won't you buy me a Darmah SS!!

Lord, won't you buy me an Harley XLCR
You have to admit, it's better than a car
It works real well if you don't go far
So lord, won't you buy me an XLCR

SS Paul (Ritter) and Wolvie
Oh Lord, won't you buy me my old GT Hawk?
There's plenty of squids still that need to be taught.
Learn them a lesson, now really I ought.
Oh Lord, won't you buy me my old GT Hawk?

Sandra Whitney
Oh lord, won't you buy me some carbs for the 'Fant,
My friends tried to fix them, but somehow they can't,
My Beemer's nor running, I'm starting to rant,
So lord, won't you buy me some carbs for the 'Fant.

Oh lord, won't you buy me a 650 SV
My honey just got one and now she outrides me,
My bike is so slow, I can't reach nominal DoD
Oh lord, won't you buy me a 650 SV

Scotty
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a ZX-9R
It's got power and torque to crush Ducatis by far
It's not like a Honda they're worse than a car
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a ZX-9R

Oh Lord, I bought me an old GPz
It's got lots of new part that you can't even see
It's old and it's dented, but it's just right for me
Oh Lord, I bought me an old GPz

Squido
Lord won't you buy me an RC five one
Think of the races that I could have won
Squidicus Sandbageri there would be none
If only lord, you'd by me an RC five one

Stephen Wilcox
Oh lord, won't you buy me, an old Montjuic
That orange and that silver, it all is so sleek
The sound of that "muffler" it ain't for the meek
So lord, won't you buy me, an old Montjuic

Oh lord, won't you buy me, an old Montjuic
The curve on the dyno, is sure has a peak
I'm sure that I'll ride it, every day of the week
So lord, won't you buy me, an old Montjuic

Steve Aarnio
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a ZX-9R?
My friends all say, "Hey, that bike's to darn fast."
But Blue is so pretty, the best color by far.
Oh Lord, won't you buy my a ZX-9R.

Steve Gross (CB2)
Oh Lord won't you buy me, a big R 12 C?
Don't care if girls like it, I'm gettin' it for _me_
It's big and its heavy, it ain't a Har-ley,
So Lord, won't you buy me, a big R 12 C?

Steve 'Ash' Peltier
Oh Lord won't you buy me, a red VTR?
Duck's are far too spendy, we all know they are.
Honda-Twin power brings my wheel up far,
So Lord won't you buy me a red VTR?

Steve Powers
Oh Lord, won't you buy me an A-pril-i-a?
Ducatis don't fit me, and it's I-tal-i-an
With booming twin pipes which backfire for fun
So Lord, won't you buy me that black RSV?

SwtP
Oh Lord won't you buy me a moto that fits!
I'm short but not ready to call it all quits.
Somethin' real purdy, not _too_ chromed or glitzed.
Oh Lord won't you buy me a moto that fits.

Tim S
Lord, won't you buy me, a new ThunderAce?
Yamaha won't bring 'em in, I can't find a trace.
My YZF's great, but a new one'd be nice,
So Lord, won't you buy me a new ThunderAce?

Tom Deitrich
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a new 'Lectra Glide,
My friends all want squid bikes, but that ain't my style.
The Glide'd make me happy on cross country rides,
So lord won't you buy me a new 'Lectra Glide.

 
The web snippet that started it all:

A SMALL PRAYER...

Dear God, Santa Claus, Allah, Buddha, (insert respective deity here)

I've been a good boy, for the most part. I try to do the right thing most of the time, I give to homeless people and I usually clean my plate. My room is a little messy, but I'll remedy that if it's an issue. I'm kind to animals and children, and I feel really guilty every time I curse or watch a dirty movie. (Ok, I feel guilty about the cursing.)

Please, please send me a 955i. I have realized with great certainty that I will die if I don't get one of these, and I presently do not have the money for one and won't for some time. So, please, exercise some of that supernatural power that you wield and I promise to observe all of your holy days in sincere demonstration, by riding wheelies up and down the street and dragging my knee like a massive poser. This is my destiny, so I leave it to you. Please help,

- Billy, Imperial Grandmaster of All Things Funky.